As the last movie of the Harry Potter Series is released, it brings an end to the most loved fantasy of our generation. Now that JK Rowling will no longer write a Harry Potter book, I have decided to take the matter into my own hands. :)
Here is my imagination on what would have happened if Hogwarts were in India:
1. Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry would have been renamed Indira/Rajiv Gandhi School of witchcraft and wizardry.
2. Rajni would have replaced Albus Dumbledore as the headmaster of the school.
3. The sorting hat would have to resign because it was accused by the opposition for supporting family politics by putting all the Weasleys in Gryffindor.
4. Parvati and Padma Patil will not get admission in to the school as 50% of the seats are reserved for SC/ST/OBC/ABC/XYZ quota and they are from a high caste.
5. Harry Potter would have to destroy only half of the Horcruxes, as he is from the potter community which is considered backward in India, hence giving him concession.
6. Harry wouldn’t miss the Hogwarts Express in the second book because it would be running 5 hours late.
7. The Bengalis will demand that they should have special reservation for the post of the defense against the dark arts (DADA) teacher.
8. All India sweepers association will oppose people playing Quiddittch saying that it uses brooms, which is their primary tool of work, and hence is insulting to their profession and community.
9. Tom Riddle will not be Heir of Slytherin because of the property dispute case about the chamber of secrets that has been going on in the Supreme Court.
10. There will a special elective course called ‘Political Magic’. The only spell that would be taught in this class would be one in which money can be vanished from India and then made to reappear in Switzerland.
11. The Triwizard tournament would be made an annual event by the name Triwizard Premier League.
12. The deamentors who guard the political prisoners in the jail would go on a strike complaining that they are not getting any souls to suck from their inmates.
13. Ollivander’s will go out of business because people will use the cheap plastic wands that are being imported from China.
14. Keralities will however not use these cheap knockoffs. All of there wands will be made out of coconut trees and will have coconut husk and coconut leaf in its core.
15. The three unforgivable curses will be Madar****, Behen**** and, well, you get the point.
16. BJP would demand that the name ‘Order of Phoenix’ should be changed to ‘Order of Jatayu’.
17. After finishing their magical education Hermione(The 10 pointer) will go to US to do her MS, Harry(The 7 pointer with a good resume and leadership skills) will join an IIM to do an MBA and Ron(The 7 pointer will a less impressive resume) will join a software company in Bangalore(“I come from a poor family. I have to look after them.”)
18. After many unsuccessful attempts to kill Harry, Voldemort will give up, surrender, get into politics and then using his influence will give a Supari to a Mumbai gang for killing Harry Potter who will finish off the job in a day.
19. The minister of magic during this time will deeply condemn the murder of Harry Potter and will promise a sum of Rs 5 lakh to Ginny Weasley.
20. The saddest thing is that, when the sorting hat sorts Indians into houses almost everyone will go to Slytherin, some will go to Ravenclaw, Two or three will go to Gryffindor and Hufflepuff would cease to exist as the sorting hat couldn’t find an Indian who could be put in that house. (For you lesser Harry Potter Nerds who didn’t understand that; Slytherin house is for people who are shrewd, cunning, opportunistic and ambitious, Ravenclaw is kind of for nerds, Gryffindor is for brave people and Hufflepuff is for honest and straight forward people)
P.S: I know this article is very similar to the last one I wrote about the football world cup in India, but as comedian Russell Peters says “We Indians are just a huge supply of cheap jokes.”
Friday, July 15, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
How football WC in Qatar and India will be held.
Ever since FIFA allotted the 2022 football world cup to Qatar, the decision and subsequent statements from FIFA have been marred by controversies. First was Sepp Blatter's statement that the WC may be held in winter, that is December- January, to escape the scorching heat of the desert, and then was his very controversial statement that homosexual people should restrain from attending this world cup. And now the chairman of the organizing committee is saying that there are plans that matches will be played in thirds, that is 3 periods of 30 minutes each, so that the players will get a rest from the heat. Although FIFA has said that there are no such plans, the damage has been done and international sports lovers are now being very skeptical about the decision to allot the WC to Qatar.
Here are some of my thoughts on how the world cup will be held finally.
1. Instead of the normal game where there are two goalposts there will only be one goalpost towards the west direction and all the game will be played in this direction.
2. Following the footsteps of Larissa Riqulemet and Poonam Pandey, famous purdah model Shawar-Ma Al Faham has said that she will remove the veil of her burkah and display her face if Qatar wins the world cup.
3. In order to counter the heat the whole stadium will be enclosed and made Air Conditioned (This is something Qatar is actually planning to do). In addition to this there will be ducts in the ground where cool air will be pumped upwards towards the players and the football will also be made of ice to keep the players cool.
4. The game will come to a stop 5 times a day, when it's time for the prayers. This is wisely planned by the organizers so that the players will get a break and can go and sit in their AC rooms.
5. Since it is hard to grow green grass in the Arab desert, whole football stadiums will be imported from Europe. There are also plans to pull a small piece of Madagascar towards Qatar and to hold the WC there.
6. The opening ceremony will have a performance by the band Oasis (Obvious, right?). Shakira will not be invited because of the sheer abundance of belly dancers in Qatar. There will also be a performance by the singers form Idea star singer, for the enjoyment of the majority of the Qatari population.
7. Every player who plays well, that is, scores more than 2 goals will be signed by Manchester City.
8. Alcohol is strictly banned during the world. Petrol however will be free for anyone who is coming to watch the world cup.
9. Hooligans will be banned for the world cup. This is because they throw stuff into the grounds and in the Middle East throwing stuff at something is only permitted for a limited number of days. The organizers also made it clear that they are cordially invited during that period to throw things.
Similarly if India were to host a world cup, this is what will happen
1. The WC will be held in December- January anyways, not to escape from the heat but because the stadiums and pitches could not be finished in time for the WC in June.
2. Instead of the traditional green football fields, the grounds will be multi colored with every inch being painted with the advertisement of some company.
3. There will be 10 minute strategic timeouts during each half which the teams must compulsorily take.
4. Football “fans” from India will finally realize that the football world cup is played by 32 teams and not just Brazil and Argentina.
5. In order to keep the players cool, all the teams will be supplied with huge amounts of Emami cool talc, Duniya ka sabse chota AC.
6. The head of the organizing committee will overtake the Padmanabha Swami Temple in wealth once the world cup is over.
7. The head quarters of the organizing committee will be in Tihar jail.
8. The winner of the world cup will be decided by an IPL style auction. BCCI will not be allowed to bid.
9. Irrespective of the winner of the world cup, the Golden Boot, Golden Ball and Lev Yashin awards will go to Sachin Tendulkar.
10. The Fair play will; however will go to Manmohan Singh for his peaceful and silent handling of the problems during the world cup.
11. Enormous amounts of Rajni jokes about Rajni, Messi and a football will be made.
12. The final will have to be shifted from Mumbai because Shivsena will have a problem because the footballs are made in Pakistan.
13. Rahul Gandhi will watch the Semi Finals from a village in UP and the travel by sleeper class to watch the final so that he can understand the plight of the Indian youth who have to travel by sleeper class to see the final.
14. The finals will be attended by famous Indian footballers like Baichung Bhutia, IM Vijayan and that boy who played football in the US, as these are the only football players the organizing committee knows. The rest of the guests from the sports field will be cricketers and PT Usha.
15. Rajdeep Sardesai’s final tweet of the day will be, “The world cup is over, the goals have been scored, but has Indian scored their goals? Goodnight.”
Here are some of my thoughts on how the world cup will be held finally.
1. Instead of the normal game where there are two goalposts there will only be one goalpost towards the west direction and all the game will be played in this direction.
2. Following the footsteps of Larissa Riqulemet and Poonam Pandey, famous purdah model Shawar-Ma Al Faham has said that she will remove the veil of her burkah and display her face if Qatar wins the world cup.
3. In order to counter the heat the whole stadium will be enclosed and made Air Conditioned (This is something Qatar is actually planning to do). In addition to this there will be ducts in the ground where cool air will be pumped upwards towards the players and the football will also be made of ice to keep the players cool.
4. The game will come to a stop 5 times a day, when it's time for the prayers. This is wisely planned by the organizers so that the players will get a break and can go and sit in their AC rooms.
5. Since it is hard to grow green grass in the Arab desert, whole football stadiums will be imported from Europe. There are also plans to pull a small piece of Madagascar towards Qatar and to hold the WC there.
6. The opening ceremony will have a performance by the band Oasis (Obvious, right?). Shakira will not be invited because of the sheer abundance of belly dancers in Qatar. There will also be a performance by the singers form Idea star singer, for the enjoyment of the majority of the Qatari population.
7. Every player who plays well, that is, scores more than 2 goals will be signed by Manchester City.
8. Alcohol is strictly banned during the world. Petrol however will be free for anyone who is coming to watch the world cup.
9. Hooligans will be banned for the world cup. This is because they throw stuff into the grounds and in the Middle East throwing stuff at something is only permitted for a limited number of days. The organizers also made it clear that they are cordially invited during that period to throw things.
Similarly if India were to host a world cup, this is what will happen
1. The WC will be held in December- January anyways, not to escape from the heat but because the stadiums and pitches could not be finished in time for the WC in June.
2. Instead of the traditional green football fields, the grounds will be multi colored with every inch being painted with the advertisement of some company.
3. There will be 10 minute strategic timeouts during each half which the teams must compulsorily take.
4. Football “fans” from India will finally realize that the football world cup is played by 32 teams and not just Brazil and Argentina.
5. In order to keep the players cool, all the teams will be supplied with huge amounts of Emami cool talc, Duniya ka sabse chota AC.
6. The head of the organizing committee will overtake the Padmanabha Swami Temple in wealth once the world cup is over.
7. The head quarters of the organizing committee will be in Tihar jail.
8. The winner of the world cup will be decided by an IPL style auction. BCCI will not be allowed to bid.
9. Irrespective of the winner of the world cup, the Golden Boot, Golden Ball and Lev Yashin awards will go to Sachin Tendulkar.
10. The Fair play will; however will go to Manmohan Singh for his peaceful and silent handling of the problems during the world cup.
11. Enormous amounts of Rajni jokes about Rajni, Messi and a football will be made.
12. The final will have to be shifted from Mumbai because Shivsena will have a problem because the footballs are made in Pakistan.
13. Rahul Gandhi will watch the Semi Finals from a village in UP and the travel by sleeper class to watch the final so that he can understand the plight of the Indian youth who have to travel by sleeper class to see the final.
14. The finals will be attended by famous Indian footballers like Baichung Bhutia, IM Vijayan and that boy who played football in the US, as these are the only football players the organizing committee knows. The rest of the guests from the sports field will be cricketers and PT Usha.
15. Rajdeep Sardesai’s final tweet of the day will be, “The world cup is over, the goals have been scored, but has Indian scored their goals? Goodnight.”
Thursday, May 5, 2011
35 Things I want To Do Before I Die
Today is the last day of my work at Jalgaon. I have to stay in office till 11. My boss has told me to do a couple of things, but I don’t feel like doing them. I was flicking through a blog and found a post called ‘100 things I want to do before I die’. I also decided to make such a list. So here goes.
1. Work in the Sports field even if for a little time.
2. Go to England to watch a Manchester United game at Old Trafford.
3. Go and watch a whole Football WC, living on the streets and carrying only a backpack just like a hippie.
4. Go to every state in India. (Thanks to Marico, I have able to achieve this goal to some extent)
5. Go to Europe in the winter when it is snowing. (I know it is a 90’s Bollywood cliché, but still.)
6. Go live a year alone in my Tharavadu in Alapuzha.
7. Learn how to row a Boat and row a boat in Punnamda Kayal.
8. Take part in the Nehru trophy boat race.
9. Own an Enfield Bullet.
10. Own an SLR camera.
11. Teach for sometime at a school in a rural area in Kerala.
12. Learn at least 10 Languages. (Malayalam, English, Hindi, Tamil and Marathi done. 5 more to go)
13. Go to Las Vegas and play Poker at the Bellagio.
14. Learn to shoot a rifle.
15. Own an SUV.
16. Live in one of those sea facing apartments on Calicut beach.
17. Own a Pub.
18. Write a book, and run behind some publishers.
19. Meet Aishwarya Rai.
20. Propose to a girl.
21. Learn to cook fish the way my Dad’s Sisters do it and to cook in general.
22. Beat my Dad in Swimming.
23. Learn to swim backstroke.
24. Do bungee jumping, para gliding, Sky diving and the thing that Salman Khan does in the Mountain Dew Ad.
25. Go out to the sea in a ship for a long time.
26. Run a Marathon.
27. Live in Mumbai for 2-3 years.
28. Own a Rolex.
29. Start learning Mridangam again.
30. Learn how to play the Jazz.
31. Have a dog as pet, preferably a Lab.
32. Sponsor the full education of a kid.
33. Start a library, in my own home at first, and when there is enough books open it to public
34. Take over the responsibilities of our family temple from Dad and do it properly.
35. Earn enough money to do all the above mentioned
1. Work in the Sports field even if for a little time.
2. Go to England to watch a Manchester United game at Old Trafford.
3. Go and watch a whole Football WC, living on the streets and carrying only a backpack just like a hippie.
4. Go to every state in India. (Thanks to Marico, I have able to achieve this goal to some extent)
5. Go to Europe in the winter when it is snowing. (I know it is a 90’s Bollywood cliché, but still.)
6. Go live a year alone in my Tharavadu in Alapuzha.
7. Learn how to row a Boat and row a boat in Punnamda Kayal.
8. Take part in the Nehru trophy boat race.
9. Own an Enfield Bullet.
10. Own an SLR camera.
11. Teach for sometime at a school in a rural area in Kerala.
12. Learn at least 10 Languages. (Malayalam, English, Hindi, Tamil and Marathi done. 5 more to go)
13. Go to Las Vegas and play Poker at the Bellagio.
14. Learn to shoot a rifle.
15. Own an SUV.
16. Live in one of those sea facing apartments on Calicut beach.
17. Own a Pub.
18. Write a book, and run behind some publishers.
19. Meet Aishwarya Rai.
20. Propose to a girl.
21. Learn to cook fish the way my Dad’s Sisters do it and to cook in general.
22. Beat my Dad in Swimming.
23. Learn to swim backstroke.
24. Do bungee jumping, para gliding, Sky diving and the thing that Salman Khan does in the Mountain Dew Ad.
25. Go out to the sea in a ship for a long time.
26. Run a Marathon.
27. Live in Mumbai for 2-3 years.
28. Own a Rolex.
29. Start learning Mridangam again.
30. Learn how to play the Jazz.
31. Have a dog as pet, preferably a Lab.
32. Sponsor the full education of a kid.
33. Start a library, in my own home at first, and when there is enough books open it to public
34. Take over the responsibilities of our family temple from Dad and do it properly.
35. Earn enough money to do all the above mentioned
Friday, January 7, 2011
Steps required to eat a Dairymilk in Baddi
Steps required to eat a Dairymilk in Baddi(Temperature here today 4 Degrees)
1. Go to the shop and buy one without minding the fact that you may get frozen to death.
2. Come back home and defrost your numb hands in front of the heater so that you can open the wrapper.
3. After removing the wrapper bite on it, only to realise that it is rock hard and something has happened to your front teeth.
4. Repeat step 2, this time for the chocolate.
5. Bite into it now and enjoy the most delicious thing that man has ever made.
This is the trouble I went to, to eat a Dairymilk before starting to write this. After all Amma paranjitundu "Subharambh karne se pehle kuch meeta khana chahiye"... ;) :)
1. Go to the shop and buy one without minding the fact that you may get frozen to death.
2. Come back home and defrost your numb hands in front of the heater so that you can open the wrapper.
3. After removing the wrapper bite on it, only to realise that it is rock hard and something has happened to your front teeth.
4. Repeat step 2, this time for the chocolate.
5. Bite into it now and enjoy the most delicious thing that man has ever made.
This is the trouble I went to, to eat a Dairymilk before starting to write this. After all Amma paranjitundu "Subharambh karne se pehle kuch meeta khana chahiye"... ;) :)
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Manchester City
This is something I started writing after the City Liverpool match. It’s not completed.
When I watched the match between Manchester city and Liverpool yesterday, I couldn’t help but admire Manchester City. With Sheikh Mansoor, the owner, watching Manchester City put on a convincing display against the most successful team in English football. The 3-0 victory could be considered an ample return for the 130 million investments the Sheikh has made.
I believe Manchester City can put up a serious challenge for this year’s English premier league. Yes, the victory came against a Liverpool team who are looking more and more mediocre as time passes, but the victory against a team still which is still considered one of the power houses of English football will give them a huge morale boost and will push their campaign forward. Liverpool doesn’t look like a team who can challenge for the title anymore. Only Gerrard, Kuyt and Torres looks like players who can mount a serious challenge. And with Torres out of touch and Mascherano leaving, I believe the same fate as last year for Liverpool, a sixth or seventh place finish.
Manchester City’s crazy buying (Which I think is the reason for the last rise in petrol prices) was criticized by many including Sir Alex Ferguson. They spent over 130 million pounds for bringing in new players this summer. When Chelsea did the same some 6-7 years ago, when the Russian oligarch came and invested a huge 91 million in a single transfer season, I was really furious and joined everyone in slamming the ‘money football’. But this time around, I don’t feel there is anything wrong with city spending this money. The reason for that the same reason for which I watch BPL, to see a really competitive league. The more clubs stepping up to the so called ‘top 4’ the more competition there will be in the league and the more we will be able to enjoy good football. That is what we all want in the end, right? Just because a spending like this hampers the chances of our favorite team winning trophies, we shouldn’t detest it right? I can see why the traditional fans (the people from England, who support their home town clubs) being furious about the spending, but us who are thousands of miles away from there and supports the team we support because that was the team who were winning everything when we started to watch the league (or in the case of some because, the team was very good to play in FIFA ’09) should be happy that the league is becoming more competitive.
One more reason why I don’t hate City’s buying spree is because of the players they bought. Except David Silva, no other players can be called as a real superstar, the kind of which Real Madrid buy. The players they bought are really good footballers, like Milner, Tevez and Barry who always seem to give a 100% to the cause of the team. They have bought only players they require, unlike Real Madrid, who usually just buys the costliest player in the world, irrespective of whether they need him or not.
When I watched the match between Manchester city and Liverpool yesterday, I couldn’t help but admire Manchester City. With Sheikh Mansoor, the owner, watching Manchester City put on a convincing display against the most successful team in English football. The 3-0 victory could be considered an ample return for the 130 million investments the Sheikh has made.
I believe Manchester City can put up a serious challenge for this year’s English premier league. Yes, the victory came against a Liverpool team who are looking more and more mediocre as time passes, but the victory against a team still which is still considered one of the power houses of English football will give them a huge morale boost and will push their campaign forward. Liverpool doesn’t look like a team who can challenge for the title anymore. Only Gerrard, Kuyt and Torres looks like players who can mount a serious challenge. And with Torres out of touch and Mascherano leaving, I believe the same fate as last year for Liverpool, a sixth or seventh place finish.
Manchester City’s crazy buying (Which I think is the reason for the last rise in petrol prices) was criticized by many including Sir Alex Ferguson. They spent over 130 million pounds for bringing in new players this summer. When Chelsea did the same some 6-7 years ago, when the Russian oligarch came and invested a huge 91 million in a single transfer season, I was really furious and joined everyone in slamming the ‘money football’. But this time around, I don’t feel there is anything wrong with city spending this money. The reason for that the same reason for which I watch BPL, to see a really competitive league. The more clubs stepping up to the so called ‘top 4’ the more competition there will be in the league and the more we will be able to enjoy good football. That is what we all want in the end, right? Just because a spending like this hampers the chances of our favorite team winning trophies, we shouldn’t detest it right? I can see why the traditional fans (the people from England, who support their home town clubs) being furious about the spending, but us who are thousands of miles away from there and supports the team we support because that was the team who were winning everything when we started to watch the league (or in the case of some because, the team was very good to play in FIFA ’09) should be happy that the league is becoming more competitive.
One more reason why I don’t hate City’s buying spree is because of the players they bought. Except David Silva, no other players can be called as a real superstar, the kind of which Real Madrid buy. The players they bought are really good footballers, like Milner, Tevez and Barry who always seem to give a 100% to the cause of the team. They have bought only players they require, unlike Real Madrid, who usually just buys the costliest player in the world, irrespective of whether they need him or not.
Monday, October 11, 2010
The lighter side of football... Is Berbatov a ghost?
Dimitar Berbatov, the 30 million Purchase of Sir Alex Ferguson, his costliest ever, has received a lot of criticism since he moved to Manchester United from the capital city, where he enjoyed a really good 2 seasons at Tottenham. The former Bayern Leverkusen man has been subject to a lot of insult from the United fans who have called him lazy and does not deserve to wear a United shirt. Although some of his recent performances have improved his status with the fans and critics, much more will have to be accomplished for him to be considered as a success at Old Trafford.
A lot of reasons have been given for why Berbatov hasn’t been able to replicate his wonderful goal scoring form he had at Leverkusen and Spurs at United. I think it is because Berbatov is a ghost. Here is my proof
Similarities between Dimitar Berbatov and a Ghost
1. Both seem to be invisible most of the time.
2. They seem to prefer gliding past people than walking or running.
3. Both seem to be scary in white. (Tottenham colours in case of Berbatov)
4. Only some old people(Read Alex Ferguson) tend to believe in them.
5. However long you think about it, you can never make up your mind whether they are real or not.
A lot of reasons have been given for why Berbatov hasn’t been able to replicate his wonderful goal scoring form he had at Leverkusen and Spurs at United. I think it is because Berbatov is a ghost. Here is my proof
Similarities between Dimitar Berbatov and a Ghost
1. Both seem to be invisible most of the time.
2. They seem to prefer gliding past people than walking or running.
3. Both seem to be scary in white. (Tottenham colours in case of Berbatov)
4. Only some old people(Read Alex Ferguson) tend to believe in them.
5. However long you think about it, you can never make up your mind whether they are real or not.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
WHAT ADMINISTRATION WOULD MEAN FOR LIVERPOOL?
The most widely discussed topic in English football now is about the future of Liverpool, the most successful club in the history of English football. The club with 18 league titles and 8 European trophies, is currently sitting in the relegation zone and facing a 9 point deduction which will put them at -3 points, 21 points adrift of leaders Chelsea, 14 and 12 points away from 4th placed Arsenal and 10th placed Fulham respectively. So let’s now see how one of the ‘Top 4’ Clubs reached a position of such bother and what lies in store for them.
So how exactly did Liverpool reach the brink of Administration?
Administration is faced by a Football club when they are unable to pay their outstanding debts. The club can notify the court of its inability to pay their debts and they will be declared ‘in administration’ whereby all the activities of club will fall under the court. The first English club to enter administration was Charlton Athletic in 1984, although they were not reduced any points then. The system of reducing points for a club entering administration only started about 6 years ago with Wrexham being the first club to be reduced 10 points which resulted in their relegation from League 1 to League 2.
Liverpool’s debts are due to the fact that current owners Americans Tom Hicks and George Gillette were unable to pay back the money they borrowed from the Royal Bank of Scotland for purchasing the club. If the RBS goes to the court for the money that is owed to them then Liverpool will be put in administration and will be docked 9 points.
Who is responsible for the current state of Liverpool?
The easiest answer to this question will be to point towards the two American owners whose debt has now been transferred into the club. But are they the only reason why Liverpool is in such a pitiable state? I don’t think so. One point to note here is that Manchester United who is also currently owned by an American has a debt which is much higher than that of the Liverpool owners, but Manchester United is generating enough income so that Malcolm Glazer is finding no problems in paying his loans.
So why hasn’t Liverpool been able to generate the kind of income that Manchester united has. The reason for this is that Liverpool’s dominance of the English football was steadily declining for the last 20 years, ever since the premiership began. Their last English league title came in the 1989-90 season. This was a period when the Premier league clubs were starting to build a huge fan base in Asia. Liverpool as a result of their fading off and the emergence of Arsenal and Chelsea in the league hasn’t been able to generate a fan base as large as the other 3 clubs from the Top 4 and are subsequently losing out on the huge source of income that is Asia.
Another person to blame is their previous manager Rafael Benitez. The Spaniard never got a full understanding of the English game and although he can boast of some successes in the European stage he has not done justice to a club of the stature of Liverpool. His activities in the transfer market rarely proved successful. He failed to bring in good backups for the two top players in the team Gerrard and Torres, as a result of which Liverpool really suffered if one of the were injured or was not in form. One of his worst moments as a manager would be when he failed to sign Gareth Barry from Aston Villa. Barry who was eager to leave Villa for some Champions League action didn’t want to join Liverpool because of Benitez and his style of play. He also couldn’t stop the exodus of star Liverpool players to other big clubs like Riise going to Roma and Alonso going to Real. His failure to sign good replacements for these departed players aided in the fall of Liverpool.
In the 2008-09 season Liverpool finished 2nd behind Manchester United in the premier league with a rare double in the Red derby. Everyone predicted the 2009-10 was going to be the season of Liverpool and they would finally regain the title. But the season didn’t go well at all for Liverpool. It all started when they lost one of their best players Xabi Alonso to Real Madrid. The replacement signed Alberto Aquilani from Roma couldn’t adjust to English football at all. All this resulted in Liverpool finishing a disappointing 7th in the league and getting knocked out in the first round in the Champions league.
As a result of the poor season Benitez was sacked and he was replaced by Roy Hodgson who had just led a mediocre Fulham team to the Europa League final. Hodgson’s season started positively when he successfully completed his preseason challenge of keeping Gerrard and Torres in Liverpool. He also signed experienced Christian Poulsen and Joe Cole who was supposed to be ‘the savior’ of the Kop. He lost Javier Mascherano to Barcelona but signed Raul Meirless from Porto to replace him. But when the season started Liverpool were worse than their last season, with Torres out of form they were finding really hard to score goals as a result of which they are now have only 6 points from 7 games and in the relegation zone. They were also knocked out of the League cup by league two side Northampton. Because of the lack of success, Liverpool were not getting as much money and sponsorship as their 'Top 4' compatriots. Meanwhile the Club was put up for sale by their American owners but there were not many suitors because of the high asking price.
Liverpool, which was once a dream club for English players, are now finding it hard to sign players. They found it very hard to get a left back to replace Insua. Even Luke Young, who is only a half decent player didn’t want to join Liverpool. They finally settled for Paul Konchesky, who also doesn’t have the standard for a team with Champion’s league aspirations. Hodgson found it difficult to bring two of the stars from his Fulham team, Breda Hangeland and Bobby Zamora, to Liverpool because of lack of funds.
What would happen if Liverpool are put in Administration?
In addition to the reduction of 9 points, John Henry the owner of Boston Red Sox has told that he will back out from buying Liverpool if they go into administration.
In the last 2 clubs to go into Administration in England, Portsmouth was relegated from the Premier league to the Championship and now finds themselves at the bottom of the Championship and Crystal palace escaped relegation from the Championship with just one point.
Although a nine point reduction may not result in Liverpool being relegated, it will kill their chances of getting in to even one of the top 10 positions and it would prove very difficult to keep their star players if they don’t finish in the top 10. Glen Johnson has already started to take Spanish lessons in anticipation of a move to Real Madrid. And if they are indeed relegated, all the top players have relegation clauses written into their contracts, which allow them to leave the club without finishing their contracts.
So the situation is not looking good for Liverpool. Let’s hope that they can find some way to climb out of all this mess. We don’t want another Leeds. The people at Liverpool, the old or the new one should come up with big changes if they have to turn around the fortunes of the club. Maybe wearing a bright pink kit like their neighbors’ would help.
So how exactly did Liverpool reach the brink of Administration?
Administration is faced by a Football club when they are unable to pay their outstanding debts. The club can notify the court of its inability to pay their debts and they will be declared ‘in administration’ whereby all the activities of club will fall under the court. The first English club to enter administration was Charlton Athletic in 1984, although they were not reduced any points then. The system of reducing points for a club entering administration only started about 6 years ago with Wrexham being the first club to be reduced 10 points which resulted in their relegation from League 1 to League 2.
Liverpool’s debts are due to the fact that current owners Americans Tom Hicks and George Gillette were unable to pay back the money they borrowed from the Royal Bank of Scotland for purchasing the club. If the RBS goes to the court for the money that is owed to them then Liverpool will be put in administration and will be docked 9 points.
Who is responsible for the current state of Liverpool?
The easiest answer to this question will be to point towards the two American owners whose debt has now been transferred into the club. But are they the only reason why Liverpool is in such a pitiable state? I don’t think so. One point to note here is that Manchester United who is also currently owned by an American has a debt which is much higher than that of the Liverpool owners, but Manchester United is generating enough income so that Malcolm Glazer is finding no problems in paying his loans.
So why hasn’t Liverpool been able to generate the kind of income that Manchester united has. The reason for this is that Liverpool’s dominance of the English football was steadily declining for the last 20 years, ever since the premiership began. Their last English league title came in the 1989-90 season. This was a period when the Premier league clubs were starting to build a huge fan base in Asia. Liverpool as a result of their fading off and the emergence of Arsenal and Chelsea in the league hasn’t been able to generate a fan base as large as the other 3 clubs from the Top 4 and are subsequently losing out on the huge source of income that is Asia.
Another person to blame is their previous manager Rafael Benitez. The Spaniard never got a full understanding of the English game and although he can boast of some successes in the European stage he has not done justice to a club of the stature of Liverpool. His activities in the transfer market rarely proved successful. He failed to bring in good backups for the two top players in the team Gerrard and Torres, as a result of which Liverpool really suffered if one of the were injured or was not in form. One of his worst moments as a manager would be when he failed to sign Gareth Barry from Aston Villa. Barry who was eager to leave Villa for some Champions League action didn’t want to join Liverpool because of Benitez and his style of play. He also couldn’t stop the exodus of star Liverpool players to other big clubs like Riise going to Roma and Alonso going to Real. His failure to sign good replacements for these departed players aided in the fall of Liverpool.
In the 2008-09 season Liverpool finished 2nd behind Manchester United in the premier league with a rare double in the Red derby. Everyone predicted the 2009-10 was going to be the season of Liverpool and they would finally regain the title. But the season didn’t go well at all for Liverpool. It all started when they lost one of their best players Xabi Alonso to Real Madrid. The replacement signed Alberto Aquilani from Roma couldn’t adjust to English football at all. All this resulted in Liverpool finishing a disappointing 7th in the league and getting knocked out in the first round in the Champions league.
As a result of the poor season Benitez was sacked and he was replaced by Roy Hodgson who had just led a mediocre Fulham team to the Europa League final. Hodgson’s season started positively when he successfully completed his preseason challenge of keeping Gerrard and Torres in Liverpool. He also signed experienced Christian Poulsen and Joe Cole who was supposed to be ‘the savior’ of the Kop. He lost Javier Mascherano to Barcelona but signed Raul Meirless from Porto to replace him. But when the season started Liverpool were worse than their last season, with Torres out of form they were finding really hard to score goals as a result of which they are now have only 6 points from 7 games and in the relegation zone. They were also knocked out of the League cup by league two side Northampton. Because of the lack of success, Liverpool were not getting as much money and sponsorship as their 'Top 4' compatriots. Meanwhile the Club was put up for sale by their American owners but there were not many suitors because of the high asking price.
Liverpool, which was once a dream club for English players, are now finding it hard to sign players. They found it very hard to get a left back to replace Insua. Even Luke Young, who is only a half decent player didn’t want to join Liverpool. They finally settled for Paul Konchesky, who also doesn’t have the standard for a team with Champion’s league aspirations. Hodgson found it difficult to bring two of the stars from his Fulham team, Breda Hangeland and Bobby Zamora, to Liverpool because of lack of funds.
What would happen if Liverpool are put in Administration?
In addition to the reduction of 9 points, John Henry the owner of Boston Red Sox has told that he will back out from buying Liverpool if they go into administration.
In the last 2 clubs to go into Administration in England, Portsmouth was relegated from the Premier league to the Championship and now finds themselves at the bottom of the Championship and Crystal palace escaped relegation from the Championship with just one point.
Although a nine point reduction may not result in Liverpool being relegated, it will kill their chances of getting in to even one of the top 10 positions and it would prove very difficult to keep their star players if they don’t finish in the top 10. Glen Johnson has already started to take Spanish lessons in anticipation of a move to Real Madrid. And if they are indeed relegated, all the top players have relegation clauses written into their contracts, which allow them to leave the club without finishing their contracts.
So the situation is not looking good for Liverpool. Let’s hope that they can find some way to climb out of all this mess. We don’t want another Leeds. The people at Liverpool, the old or the new one should come up with big changes if they have to turn around the fortunes of the club. Maybe wearing a bright pink kit like their neighbors’ would help.
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