How football WC in Qatar and India will be held.

Ever since FIFA allotted the 2022 football world cup to Qatar, the decision and subsequent statements from FIFA have been marred by controversies. First was Sepp Blatter's statement that the WC may be held in winter, that is December- January, to escape the scorching heat of the desert, and then was his very controversial statement that homosexual people should restrain from attending this world cup. And now the chairman of the organizing committee is saying that there are plans that matches will be played in thirds, that is 3 periods of 30 minutes each, so that the players will get a rest from the heat. Although FIFA has said that there are no such plans, the damage has been done and international sports lovers are now being very skeptical about the decision to allot the WC to Qatar.

Here are some of my thoughts on how the world cup will be held finally.

1. Instead of the normal game where there are two goalposts there will only be one goalpost towards the west direction and all the game will be played in this direction.
2. Following the footsteps of Larissa Riqulemet and Poonam Pandey, famous purdah model Shawar-Ma Al Faham has said that she will remove the veil of her burkah and display her face if Qatar wins the world cup.
3. In order to counter the heat the whole stadium will be enclosed and made Air Conditioned (This is something Qatar is actually planning to do). In addition to this there will be ducts in the ground where cool air will be pumped upwards towards the players and the football will also be made of ice to keep the players cool.
4. The game will come to a stop 5 times a day, when it's time for the prayers. This is wisely planned by the organizers so that the players will get a break and can go and sit in their AC rooms.
5. Since it is hard to grow green grass in the Arab desert, whole football stadiums will be imported from Europe. There are also plans to pull a small piece of Madagascar towards Qatar and to hold the WC there.
6. The opening ceremony will have a performance by the band Oasis (Obvious, right?). Shakira will not be invited because of the sheer abundance of belly dancers in Qatar. There will also be a performance by the singers form Idea star singer, for the enjoyment of the majority of the Qatari population.
7. Every player who plays well, that is, scores more than 2 goals will be signed by Manchester City.
8. Alcohol is strictly banned during the world. Petrol however will be free for anyone who is coming to watch the world cup.
9. Hooligans will be banned for the world cup. This is because they throw stuff into the grounds and in the Middle East throwing stuff at something is only permitted for a limited number of days. The organizers also made it clear that they are cordially invited during that period to throw things.

Similarly if India were to host a world cup, this is what will happen

1. The WC will be held in December- January anyways, not to escape from the heat but because the stadiums and pitches could not be finished in time for the WC in June.
2. Instead of the traditional green football fields, the grounds will be multi colored with every inch being painted with the advertisement of some company.
3. There will be 10 minute strategic timeouts during each half which the teams must compulsorily take.
4. Football “fans” from India will finally realize that the football world cup is played by 32 teams and not just Brazil and Argentina.
5. In order to keep the players cool, all the teams will be supplied with huge amounts of Emami cool talc, Duniya ka sabse chota AC.
6. The head of the organizing committee will overtake the Padmanabha Swami Temple in wealth once the world cup is over.
7. The head quarters of the organizing committee will be in Tihar jail.
8. The winner of the world cup will be decided by an IPL style auction. BCCI will not be allowed to bid.
9. Irrespective of the winner of the world cup, the Golden Boot, Golden Ball and Lev Yashin awards will go to Sachin Tendulkar.
10. The Fair play will; however will go to Manmohan Singh for his peaceful and silent handling of the problems during the world cup.
11. Enormous amounts of Rajni jokes about Rajni, Messi and a football will be made.
12. The final will have to be shifted from Mumbai because Shivsena will have a problem because the footballs are made in Pakistan.
13. Rahul Gandhi will watch the Semi Finals from a village in UP and the travel by sleeper class to watch the final so that he can understand the plight of the Indian youth who have to travel by sleeper class to see the final.
14. The finals will be attended by famous Indian footballers like Baichung Bhutia, IM Vijayan and that boy who played football in the US, as these are the only football players the organizing committee knows. The rest of the guests from the sports field will be cricketers and PT Usha.
15. Rajdeep Sardesai’s final tweet of the day will be, “The world cup is over, the goals have been scored, but has Indian scored their goals? Goodnight.”