What if Hogwarts was in India?

As the last movie of the Harry Potter Series is released, it brings an end to the most loved fantasy of our generation. Now that JK Rowling will no longer write a Harry Potter book, I have decided to take the matter into my own hands. :)

Here is my imagination on what would have happened if Hogwarts were in India:

1. Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry would have been renamed Indira/Rajiv Gandhi School of witchcraft and wizardry.

2. Rajni would have replaced Albus Dumbledore as the headmaster of the school.

3. The sorting hat would have to resign because it was accused by the opposition for supporting family politics by putting all the Weasleys in Gryffindor.

4. Parvati and Padma Patil will not get admission in to the school as 50% of the seats are reserved for SC/ST/OBC/ABC/XYZ quota and they are from a high caste.

5. Harry Potter would have to destroy only half of the Horcruxes, as he is from the potter community which is considered backward in India, hence giving him concession.

6. Harry wouldn’t miss the Hogwarts Express in the second book because it would be running 5 hours late.

7. The Bengalis will demand that they should have special reservation for the post of the defense against the dark arts (DADA) teacher.

8. All India sweepers association will oppose people playing Quiddittch saying that it uses brooms, which is their primary tool of work, and hence is insulting to their profession and community.

9. Tom Riddle will not be Heir of Slytherin because of the property dispute case about the chamber of secrets that has been going on in the Supreme Court.

10. There will a special elective course called ‘Political Magic’. The only spell that would be taught in this class would be one in which money can be vanished from India and then made to reappear in Switzerland.

11. The Triwizard tournament would be made an annual event by the name Triwizard Premier League.

12. The deamentors who guard the political prisoners in the jail would go on a strike complaining that they are not getting any souls to suck from their inmates.

13. Ollivander’s will go out of business because people will use the cheap plastic wands that are being imported from China.

14. Keralities will however not use these cheap knockoffs. All of there wands will be made out of coconut trees and will have coconut husk and coconut leaf in its core.

15. The three unforgivable curses will be Madar****, Behen**** and, well, you get the point.

16. BJP would demand that the name ‘Order of Phoenix’ should be changed to ‘Order of Jatayu’.

17. After finishing their magical education Hermione(The 10 pointer) will go to US to do her MS, Harry(The 7 pointer with a good resume and leadership skills) will join an IIM to do an MBA and Ron(The 7 pointer will a less impressive resume) will join a software company in Bangalore(“I come from a poor family. I have to look after them.”)

18. After many unsuccessful attempts to kill Harry, Voldemort will give up, surrender, get into politics and then using his influence will give a Supari to a Mumbai gang for killing Harry Potter who will finish off the job in a day.


19. The minister of magic during this time will deeply condemn the murder of Harry Potter and will promise a sum of Rs 5 lakh to Ginny Weasley.

20. The saddest thing is that, when the sorting hat sorts Indians into houses almost everyone will go to Slytherin, some will go to Ravenclaw, Two or three will go to Gryffindor and Hufflepuff would cease to exist as the sorting hat couldn’t find an Indian who could be put in that house. (For you lesser Harry Potter Nerds who didn’t understand that; Slytherin house is for people who are shrewd, cunning, opportunistic and ambitious, Ravenclaw is kind of for nerds, Gryffindor is for brave people and Hufflepuff is for honest and straight forward people)


P.S: I know this article is very similar to the last one I wrote about the football world cup in India, but as comedian Russell Peters says “We Indians are just a huge supply of cheap jokes.”