More than a year has passed since Sreeshanth has been arrested for alleged spot fixing during IPL matches. During this one year he has been shamed, ridiculed and been the object of many a meme and cartoons. I am fed up with all this; it is finally time for all of you to know the truth. We mallus have known this truth all along but we didn't want to tell it to the people of other states who don’t have 100% literacy yet. I have finally decided enough is enough and have decided to exonerate Sreeshanth.
I am not saying Sreeshanth didn't do spot fixing, he indeed did it. But it was not for his selfish greed as you all have thought, what he did was sacrifice himself for a lot of other people so that us Indians could have a better future. Confused? Don’t be, I will explain in detail.
Sreeshanth has always been a very self-less person. Even when he was in school he used to give up batting first even though he owned the bat and would choose to bowl instead. This is how he got into bowling. Sreeshanth was a pacey leg spinner when he started playing, but he shifted to fast bowling because he didn't want to break all the records of Anil Kumble. Fast bowling was not an issue because the only records Indian fast bowlers held were for the most runs conceded and for the best mustaches. Even after he came into the Indian cricket team he continued sacrificing, when the Indian team played badly he played worse so that the entire team would not come under focus but just him. When India were getting killed in South Africa he did that dance after hitting a six of Andre Nel just to shift the focus to him and save the others from blame. What you guys didn’t know is that it is a step from the Kathakali show Keechakavadam which is done by Bhima after killing Keechaka and is used to suck all the energy away from your enemies. And whenever it came to world cups he made sure that he didn't ruin India’s chances by playing really badly in the starting itself and hence getting out of the team and coming back for the final to take that all important catch. I really don’t understand why you guys still don’t have a life size statue of him made out of gold outside the BCCI headquarters.
Now coming to the spot fixing scandal, Sreeshanth only did it because he wanted to save a lot of things in this world that were on the verge of going out altogether like IPL, Rajasthan Royals, Blackberry, towels, Tihar jail and Carter road. I will explain each one in detail.
Let us be honest, the IPL was not interesting any more, everyone had got bored of it and no one was watching it anymore. Moreover with the addition of Danny Morrison the viewership had reached the same level as Kim Kardashian’s IQ. The future of the series was doomed, but Sree would have none of it, he stepped in and put the masala which was badly missing, back into the IPL. Everyone started watching IPL again to see if the players were raising their towels more than what is needed or if they were wearing red underwear and things like that. Sreeshanth saved the IPL from extinction.
The Rajasthan Royals, both the team and the family were being forgotten by everyone. The team had won nothing since winning the first IPL and the last time the Royal family won anything was in the 12th century or something. The royal family had reduced to people who put up the pic of the Udaipur lake palace on Facebook with the caption ‘Mah grandpa used to live here’. Sreeshanth made sure that the team became famous again and also by marrying someone from the royal family made sure that they came back to prominence again.
Now coming to Blackberry, we all know that the Canadian Smartphone maker which was undoubtedly the world leader once was running on fumes, and then comes along Sreeshanth who uses the phone for talking with his bookies and it was because the police couldn’t intercept these conversations and messages that the arrest got delayed. After this news the sales of Blackberry have shot up like anything in rural Pakistan, Afghanistan and near the parliament in Delhi. This shows that Sreeshanth is not just self-less on a national level but on an international level too.
Towels are those sweat stained pocket dwellers which were going out of fashion. With new AC offices and cleaner armpits thanks to Anushka Sharma, people were not sweating as much as they used to. So the usage and sales of towels were coming down. The fact also that Rafael Nadal keeps wiping his face after every single point with a towel also lead to the towel losing its dignity when it came to sports. Sree with his innovative method of using a towel to signal that he is going to throw an over brought back the glory years of the towel hence saving the towel industry and the millions dependent on it.
Tihar jail was also down in the dumps after all the infamy it had been getting due to the hundreds of politicians getting jailed there. Tihar had been trying to sign a good brand ambassador for a long time. They were waiting for Salman Khan to come but the wait seemed to be never ending and they finally decided to approach Sreeshanth to help save the face of Tihar. They decided on this after seeing Sreeshanth’s dance after thumping Nel for a six which is also the perfect technique to knead the dough used in the making of the famous Tihar chapattis. Sreeshanth readily agreed to this proposal as it would help regain the image of one of India’s most important national monuments.
Sreeshanth was arrested on Carter Road. This was very good for Carter road as the road was getting a lot of bad press because of all the South Mumbai people coming up to the suburbs to partaaay and saying stuff like “Oh you live in Navi Mumbai? I never come there as my passport expired”. Carter road required a new lease of life and needed to show that high rollers still came there and Sree did just that.
All these will not come even close to the biggest sacrifice he did, which is give hope to billions of people out there. Sreeshanth was paid 60 lacs to bowl badly. That is like paying a fish to swim or Rahul Gandhi to be stupid or Arnab Goswami to be loud. He showed to all of us out there who think that we are not good at anything that the only thing we need to do is to leverage it properly and we can make money out of it.
I hope from all this you have understood the innocence of Sreeshanth. He is not a dancing idiot but actually an inspiration to billions. I end this post with a humble request to the new government to declare May 16th, the day Sreeshanth got arrested for spot fixing, as national sacrifice day.
1 comment:
Nice one.. man
Nannavundu.. :)
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